Surprise

 

January 2005 was the start of a new year and a new relationship for me. Getting to know one another, moving in together, holidays abroad, many nights out, weekends away.

 

I had two older boys 7 and 10 to a previous marriage. I always wanted a girl and my new partner (Rocky) never had any of his own children, so it was on the cards. We agreed sooner rather than later as we didn’t want to big of a gap and he was approaching 30 and wanted to be a young hands on active dad.

 

18 months into the relationship we agreed I would come off the pill ready to start trying for a baby together. I wanted a girl so bad. I’d read many books and done loads of research on the techniques of how to achieve a baby girl, with only hope it would work. Friend and family laughed at me, but I didn’t care.

 

I fell pregnant in the first month. We were happy but surprised. Even more surprised to find out we were having twins.

 

I counted down days to my scans with every hope they could tell me the sex of my babies. Very scared at the thought of two babies but very happy I’d doubled my chances of a baby girl.

 

We looked at going private for a sexing scan, but other than it not being financial viable, they could only guaranty a result from 16 weeks .I was booked in for my 20 week scan, so we waited till then.

 

The morning of my scan I knew the health of my babies was priority but also if it was two boys I’d disappointed. I wanted to find out so I’d have the rest of my pregnancy to get used to the idea and except it.

 

The sonographer started scanning and I was feeling very sick, agar to know I keep asking her, at the same time I’m running to the sink and being sick. They wanted to reschedule for another date, but I hung in there. All was well with both babies but they only managed to sex one. A boy! That’s typical, I was frustrated and more agar now.

 

Several scans later I’m told the same thing each time, there’s a boy in there but not sure on the other. We wondered if they’d found the same baby each time or if it was two boys they’d seen at different times.

 

In the mean time a good friend had not long had a girl and was passing bags of very cute clothes down, I looked at them often. I tried to prepare my self to hand them back if I needed to.

 

32 week scan, I’m told what I dreaded. “Yes there’s one little man and oh, yes there’s another” I was silent for the rest of the scan till Rocky and I got out side. “Are you ok?” I think he wished he’d never asked.

 

I just stood still and cried and cried. I looked around the waiting room at the other expectant mothers, feeling very guilty as after all both my babies are healthy.

 

The tears and silence didn’t stop of three days. Rocky was more than sympathetic, but we both knew there was nothing he could do.

 

On the other hand friends and family found it hard to understand, I was told many times to get over it and be thankful your babies were healthy. I was more than relieved both babies were fine.

 

I tried to explain, it’s not all about the baby pink and cute clothes, my thoughts were beyond. I wanted to take her to her dance classes, help her shop for her first outfit for the school disco; I wanted to see my girl excited on her wedding day and be there for her when she has her first child. From experience, is not quite the same with a son.

 

I now knew all this was just dream and was never going to be. Four children was already stretching our expenses, there was no room for any more.

 

35 weeks pregnant, I’m told they want to deliver the babies as they were not going to grow much more inside.

 

Monday morning we drive to the hospital expecting to go down to the operating theatre first thing. We waited patiently with friends.

 

By 12 o’clock they were ready for us, all but the anesthetist. Waiting upon his arrival, I chatted to the nurses, midwifes and surgeons. They asked if I knew what I was expecting, I told them boys, how I already had two and if they could tell me any different I’d be ecstatic.

 

Rocky was there right by my side as they started surgery, trying to keep us both focused. As the babies were going to be 5 weeks early we knew there could be complications, in my mind I just wanted to hear a cry to know their lungs were developed enough to be ok. As it was, first baby was removed, there was a loud scream and then again straight after with the second. We both cried with relief. Across the room one of the midwives is trying to say quietly something to Rocky, he does not quite understand what she’s saying and I’m starting to panic “what’s wrong” I ask. His focus is on the midwife, as she waves her arms about joyfully. He cries even more smiling at me, “there’s a girl, a girl” He tells me. I was overwhelmed. Everyone in the room had a tear for us as they shared our delight.

 

And goodness! dont we know we have her now !!